The Masked Roommate
by HanareHatake
Summary: Kakashi and Hanare are roomies, and the copy ninja is content to enjoy his pretty reading buddy at a distance, from the safety of The Friend Zone. Nevertheless, interesting things happen to Kakashi one night after Hana gets drunk with Anko and Kurenai... / Kakahana / Lemon / Oneshot


Author's Note: Greetings, I'm back. I have several stories in the works but this one finished first (wink wink) and I thought I'd release it into the wild. It's a lot more explicit than **Unlocked** \- lemon waffly goodness in this one for sure. Romance, humor, awkwardness, pizza, topless Kakashi, kakahana shenanigans, family, sexual tension, references to alcohol, Mature, dirty words, a pokemon, raw turkey, abuse of ellipses and ninja flavor sprinkles. G _ratuitous savoring of Kakashi-kun's reluctance to be a romantic hero._

 **Rated M** for some of the items mentioned above, adult themes, the sex scene, and how damn hot Kakashi is. I hope you're entertained!

Matta neh!

 **The Masked Roommate**

"Hana?"

Kakashi hesitated at the door of his apartment. His roommate was usually back by this hour. He was used to coming home to the glow of her reading lamp and the scent of green tea.

Tonight, the lights were off and there was no answer. No "it's about time, Scarecrow!" or "the great Kakashi has decided to grace us with his presence." One time she'd looked up and smiled, greeted him with "yo, Kakashi McKreepy" and left it at that as she went back to reading.

All that greeted him tonight, though, was silence. Kakashi was immediately suspicious.

The silver-haired shinobi reached back and scratched his head just under where his headband was tied. The moon shone in through curtains that were slightly parted over the west window. The night sky was faintly green over Konoha, street lights casting their usual glow.

Kakashi sniffed. He turned his head slightly to the right toward the kitchen. There were bottles on the counter that hadn't been there earlier. Even through the mask that covered the lower half of his face, his sensitive nose picked out the sweet scent of sake coupled with the more pungent notes of shoju.

 _Was she drinking? ...Alone?_ he mused. The thought struck him as a bit funny - his roommate was the type who was completely composed, especially in public. True, they'd only been living together for a couple months, but he'd never witnessed Hanare let loose... or even tell a dirty joke.

Kakashi turned his head to the left, sniffing again. Simultaneously he slid one sandaled foot over the threshold of the apartment. It wasn't like he feared an attack, but something about the situation was making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"Hana?" he tried again. "Are you home?" A familiar fragrance - pear, green apple and ginger flower - wafted into his nose. Hanare's perfume. _So she is here…_ But there was also black orchid - Anko's - and vanilla poppy, Kurenai's.

Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks. What if he was walking in on something? A sudden blush appeared on the copy ninja's cheeks, just above the edge of his mask. An image of naked Hanare, sandwiched between naked Anko (on the back) and naked Kurenai (on the front), popped into his mind.

Shoving the thought away and burying it in the recesses of his brain, Kakashi swallowed. Why did it feel so warm all of a sudden? He pulled on the neck of his shirt. _Kakashi of the Sharingan, terrified to go into his own apartment by a little perfume,_ he thought with chagrin, glad none of the kids were there to see him.

"M-maybe Guy wants to get a, uh, beer..." Kakashi mumbled to himself, retracting his foot and turning to leave.

"Kashi? Is that you…?"

Kakashi froze.

The familiar voice had come from somewhere around the vicinity of his bedroom. He considered, for a split second, using the Sharingan to determine the exact location of his roommate. The special scarlet-colored left eye could help him read movements and track chakra, but…

 _This is ridiculous_ , Kakashi scolded himself. _She's not out to get you._ Despite Hanare's previous affiliation as a spy from a rival village, she'd given him no reason to doubt her. Kakashi shook his head. He'd already used the Sharingan a couple times on the day's mission, and it had drained his reserves. He was tired. _This is MY apartment,_ he reasoned. _I need a good night's rest… and to stop acting like an Academy kid!_

Kakashi stepped into the apartment and shut the door behind him.

"Yo, it's me," he said, shrugging off his vest and hanging it carefully on the hook by the door. He paused to listen, but there was no reply. "Are… are you alone?" he couldn't help but ask as he sat down on the shoe bench and slipped off his shinobi sandals.

"Mmmm hmmmmmmm," came the reply, drifting out of the back room. Hanare's low voice seemed more sing-song than usual.

 _You're a paranoid bastard_ Kakashi told himself as he untied his forehead protector, wiping off the sweat underneath with his forearm. He pulled off his gloves and hung them and the headband on their proper pegs near his vest. The kunai holster came off his thigh and went in the shoe box with his sandals.

Sighing, Kakashi stood up and ran a hand through his unruly silver hair as he went into the kitchen. He pushed up his shirtsleeves and washed his hands.

"Do you want some tea?" he called.

"No, not tea," Hanare replied. Kakashi thought he heard her giggle, which was just strange. He'd asked a completely normal question. They always had late night tea. It fueled their binge-reading sessions. Books were something they had in common, which Kakashi thoroughly enjoyed about his roommate. It was lucky - he'd known next to nothing about her when he'd offered that she could stay at his place.

Kakashi put enough hot water on for both of them anyway. He reached over and fingered a bottle on the counter, checking the label. Expensive stuff, something for a special occasion.

"Were, uh, Anko and Kurenai here?" he asked in what he hoped was a casual manner as he opened the fridge. There were lots of pickled veggies but no real food.

"Uh, _yeah_!" Hanare called back. "Then… we went out for ladiesss' night! Re-mem-ber?" He definitely heard a giggle that time.

"No?" Kakashi said, closing the fridge and opened the tiny freezer instead.

"Ka-shi! It's Anko's birthday! How could you forget?" A dramatic sigh from the back. "I _told_ you. I EVEN wrote it on the calendar, it's right -"

"I see it, I see it," Kakashi said as he pulled out a bag of frozen gyoza, his right eye darting to the wall calendar where, indeed, the date was circled in red and it said "Anko 27! Girls' nite!" in Hanare's confident hand.

" _Kashi_." Hana's voice sung out. It was incongruous with the line of conversation and Kakashi's mind registered it as such. "Kaaaaashi…"

A part of his mind was trying to warn him of something but Kakashi wasn't sure what, so he turned on the burner and ripped open the bag of gyoza. They rattled into the pan.

"Hana? I need to use the bathroom," he called. It was his way of warning her that he had to invade her space. The bathroom was off the storage area in back, and the storage area was curtained off and currently serving as his roommate's sleeping accommodations. He'd wanted to let her use the bed, but fact was he was too tall for the couch. So he'd cleared out the storage room, moved the couch in, and put up curtains to divide the space.

The main inconvenience was having to walk through her "room" every time he needed to wizz or… whatever. There were other inconveniences too, about being in such close proximity all the time, but she never complained about camping out on the couch so why should he complain about… any of those _other things_. And he could always have privacy in the shower…

"Are you -" Hana's voice was suddenly much quieter. Or maybe it was the competing noise of the frying potstickers. Kakashi strained to hear her. "Are y-you coming in?" she called softly.

"Yeah. Is that ok?"

"Yes."

Kakashi splashed a tiny bit of leftover sake in with the gyoza, turned the heat down and covered the pan. _I'll be right back,_ he mentally promised the potstickers.

"Alright, Hana. Here I come."

Kakashi crossed the tiny living room. He paused to slide off his shuriken pouch and also divest himself of _Icha Icha Violence_ , which had been warm and snug in his left pocket all day. He quickly tossed the items on his small desk.

Then he headed into the back.

"Hana?" Kakashi pushed open the curtain to her room, expecting to see her curled up on the couch… maybe under her Fullmetal Alchemist blanket. Maybe engrossed in one of her yaoi manga or perhaps a classic…

The room was empty. No one was on the couch. He ignored the partially open door to his right. The door to _his_ room.

"Hm," Kakashi said as he continued into the bathroom. He slid the door shut and unzipped his pants.

 _Maybe I should shower._ The thought came out of nowhere. _That's ridiculous. The gyoza will burn_.

He leaned over and waited a few moments. The whole bathroom smelled like Hana's perfume and he couldn't focus. He shut his eyes. _Naked Hanare sandwich._

"Gah!" Kakashi growled and banged his fist against the wall - though not hard enough to damage the plaster, of course. There was no way he wasn't getting back the deposit when he finally moved…

"Kashi - I mean, _Kakashi -_ are you ok in there?" Hana's concerned voice, muffled, reached him through the walls.

"Fine! I'm fine," he yelled back.

"Oh. Okay," he heard her say.

The fact that she'd called him "Kashi" several times since he got home finally sunk in. She never did that. Also, he'd been in every other room in the apartment except one, and hadn't run into her, which logically proved she was in the remaining room.

His. Bedroom.

Kakashi tucked himself back in and zipped up his fly. He washed his hands and then pulled down his mask so he could splash some cold water on his face. He dried off on the hand towel and stared at himself in the mirror for a moment. As usual, he looked tired and kind of like his father - Sakumo, the White Fang of Konoha, a loving man who'd ended up taking his own life after falling into depression when Kakashi's mother had passed away.

 _The gyoza_. Kakashi pulled his mask back up and hurried out of the bathroom. He was taking a quick step past the door to his bedroom when something jarred him to a stop.

In his rush his left eye, the Sharingan, had cracked open. He usually held it closed when not wearing his headband, which really got old after a while. Out of the corner of his eye the Sharingan had picked up an intense impression… skin? And was that… lace? Red? Kakashi felt his knees waver. There was _nothing_ red in his room. His bedspread was green with a black shuriken pattern. The bookshelves were brown. Everything was neutral. The cover of _Icha Icha Violence_ was kind of a dark salmon, and that was probably the closest thing to…

"Merry, um, Christmas?" Hanare's voice chirped at him. It sounded two octaves higher than the usual soothing tones he was used to. Kakashi felt his head turning toward her, even though he was mentally screaming at himself to _keep walking to the kitchen, for the love of the ancestors, man, for your sanity, do not look tha-_

The copy ninja's head snapped into place, fully rotated to the side, facing his bedroom. Under his mask, his jaw dropped. His Sharingan eye flared wide open, mercilessly picking out every detail.

"Heh… Christmas in… the summer? The, uh, um… holidays came early this year-" The words and a giggle spilled from Hanare's mouth. Kakashi stared, trying to keep his gaze on _just her mouth_. Normally that would seem absurdly lewd, but in this case…

Hana's brown eyes flickered up and met his for a fraction of a second, then she turned her face away, toward the bookshelf. She slowly turned a bright - and, Kakashi thought, _very pretty_ \- shade of pink.

"Drat. That sounded way better when Anko said it…" Hanare hunched her shoulders a little, which did things to other parts of her anatomy. _Where I should definitely not be looking_ , Kakashi berated himself even as his Sharingan gleefully soaked it all in.

"Well." A grim look of determination settled on Hanare's face beneath the blush. The contradiction was ridiculously adorable, and Kakashi felt a dangerous stirring in a particular region. "Surprise, anyway!... Are you surprised?" Hanare's dark lashes made demure crescents on her cheeks as she still didn't look at him.

"Very," Kakashi said, without thinking. Her blush deepened, but she kept her eyes averted. Kakashi grasped at the fragments of his reasoning and adjusted how he was standing. He turned into the doorway and leaned an arm up against the frame. It was a relaxed posture, but his heart was hammering in his chest. _She's not watching, so might as well…_ He let his gaze sweep over her body in detail, indulging for just a moment.

Hanare was certainly not dressed the way she usually did, which included mostly long-sleeved, kind of flowy shirts and long skirts when she wasn't in her Konoha uniform. Kakashi's gaze traveled down past her collarbone to where her breasts were barely concealed by flimsy scarlet lace. He could probably see _everything_ if he squinted a little, but he refrained from doing so. She was sitting on the bed… or rather, kneeling, sort of… with her legs… apart… and her hands clasped in front of her. There was more red lace between her legs, but it was such a tiny sliver of a triangle that it only covered the exact center of her… which, he guessed, was the point, but made the panties pretty useless as actual underwear… shiny, fragile-looking red ribbons held everything in place in a very precarious way. The little bows looked pretty easy to untie. With her dark green hair contrasting the red lingerie, Hanare really did look very… Christmasy.

A certain kind of heat was creeping over Kakashi - a heat that he usually associated with chapters 6, 15 and 34 in _Icha Icha Paradise._ A heat that he normally reserved for managing in the shower. Kakashi swallowed. A hundred ill-advised, fascinating images flitted through his mind. But when Hanare finally looked up at him, he'd reset his face in neutral, bored-looking lines.

"So this was all for me?" he said in a monotone. Hanare bit her lip and nodded, breaking eye contact again. She slowly traced a shuriken on the blanket with her index finger.

"Ah, yes. See… well, Anko said, you know, right? And then Kurenai had this idea… and then we, um, well, we drank. A lot. For Anko's birthday…"

"Your birthday plans for Anko somehow ended up with a Christmas present for me?" Kakashi's mouth twitched under his mask. The thought was flattering. And adorable. Hana looked irritated now, but he meant no offense. He was just stalling. He had no idea where to go from this point. Kakashi knew he didn't know everything - but he did know himself. At least in this area. Above all, he hated awkwardness and he hated being disappointed. The current situation seemed like a grand recipe for both.

"I told her you probably didn't like red!" Hanare exploded. "You know how she is, she doesn't listen to a damn-"

"I like red," Kakashi smiled, but she didn't seem to notice it under his mask. She pulled the bedspread up, partially covering herself. "I mean, I like _that_ re-" he started to say, but Hanare interrupted.

"It was a stupid dare," she fumed. Kakashi paused, and blinked slowly.

"Of course," he said. Just then the smell of burning gyoza invaded his consciousness. Hanare had a hand on her forehead. He turned toward the kitchen.

"Kakashi? I… I'm sorry for all this trouble, could you… get me… a glass of water, please?" Hanare's voice sounded strained and thick. Kakashi looked back at her with concern. She was holding her head and stomach and swaying slightly back and forth.

"Sure," he said. "Be right back." He ran into the kitchen. Luckily most of the smoke was trapped under the lid of the pan. He cut the heat and glanced at his ruined dinner.

"Damn," he muttered quietly. _Oh right - water_ … He opened the cabinet and grabbed the first thing he saw. It was a coffee mug Guy had given him for his last birthday. "Never give up!" was emblazoned on the side in rainbow letters.

Cold water in hand, Kakashi crossed back to the bedroom. An infinitesimal pause at the bedroom door - _of course it was a dare_. Then he took a breath and went in.

Hanare was still wavering on her knees in the middle of his bed, but just as he approached, she collapsed to the side. Instinctively Kakashi leaped forward and caught her with one arm.

"Don't vomit on my bed… if you can help it, I mean," he said, also instinctively. He thought he heard a snort-chuckle from under the green dishevelled mass that was Hanare's hair.

"Real gentleman, huh Scarecrow?" she mumbled. Kakashi cradled her in one arm and eased her backward toward the pillows. She didn't move or resist at all.

"Here. Take this," he ordered, handing her the mug of water. She took it weakly and he used his freed hand to brush her hair out of her face so she could drink. She gulped the water down with healthy swallows.

"Good," Kakashi said. He took the mug and put it on the nightstand. "Do you need to throw up?" he asked. Hanare shook her head, eyes downcast. "What about the bathroom?" he said. She shook her head again, this time with a little pink on her cheeks.

 _Well her entire neck is pink, it's the sake…_ Kakashi lay Hanare's head back on his pillows. He pulled the covers up over her, all the way to her chin.

"Thanks," she said weakly, looking at him with sleepy eyes half-lidded by inebriation. Her hair was fanned out on the pillow in emerald waves. Kakashi simply nodded.

She smiled a little. "This's nice," she mumbled softly, eyes closing. "Can't you… stay?" Kakashi looked down and realized his fingers were brushing lightly against the side of her face. He jerked his hand back and stood up.

"I have to clean up the mess I made in the kitchen," he said. "I'll check on you later." He reached over and flicked off the light before stuffing both hands in his pockets. One thing he knew for sure about himself: Kakashi Hatake couldn't stand messing things up. _I really burned those potstickers_ he thought ruefully as he shuffled toward the kitchen.

He stopped at the window to open it wider and let out the remaining smoke and smell of burned oil. Pushing back the curtains, he noticed how quiet the village was. Konoha wasn't really much of a party town, things shut down pretty early except on holidays…

 _Holidays. Christmas came early this year - wait, what?_ Kakashi ran his hand through his hair, then slapped himself on the cheek. _Stop it. Don't even. Fool._ After the day's irritating mission he'd been looking forward to stretching out on the sofa with some x-rated reading material, Hana ensconced at a comfortable proximity nearby - but not too close - with her own reading material. Tea. Quiet. They might have even shared some beer, or the brandy he kept hidden under his mattress. Quiet. Calm. Reading. That, he could handle. That was a good plan. Whatever was happening now… well, he didn't know what the hell it was, but it was the opposite of a _good plan_.

Kakashi sighed and stomped (not loudly enough to wake the neighbors, of course) into the kitchen to see to the ruined gyoza. He grabbed the pan, carried it back to the window and took off the lid. The rest of the trapped smoke wafted away into the night.

Returning to the kitchen, Kakashi took out some chopsticks and pulled what burned matter he could off the pan, flinging the desecrated dumplings one by one into the garbage. He briefly considered summoning his ninken, but the gyoza looked too bad off even for Biscuit's indiscriminate tastes. He doubted his ninja hounds would appreciate being called for such an awful "treat."

 _Waste_. Kakashi ran some water and put the pan in the sink to soak. No point in scrubbing at it while it was as hard as a rock. _Hanare's in my bed. Where am I going to sleep?_ Kakashi hated sleeping on the floor. He hated sleeping on the ground during missions. He _liked_ sleeping in his own, semi-firm, oversized, foam-padded bed. But what could be done about the interloper?

Kakashi gritted his teeth under his mask as he wiped the stove clean. There was no way he was going to try and move her onto her rightful place - the couch in the storage area. That would involve picking her up… lifting… touching her… while she was wearing that-

"Kakashi?"

The most feared ninja in Konoha jumped a mile at the sound of the soft voice calling his name. The dish sponge had fallen on the floor. He bent to pick it up, washed it out, put it back in its place, and took a breath.

"I'm here," he called.

"I'm sorry." Hanare's words were weak and plaintive, so unlike her. She was normally very self-sufficient. "I… I need your help..." she trailed off.

"Coming," Kakashi said automatically, ignoring the alarming increase of his pulse and the moisture that must be sweat gathering at the nape of his neck. He went back to the bedroom and peeked around the doorframe. Hana was huddled in the bed. She glanced up at him and looked embarrassed.

"I'm cold," she whispered. "It's freezing."

Kakashi went out and checked the thermostat. It was plenty warm, the usual temperature they kept the apartment.

Returning to the bedroom, he said, "It's just the alcohol. It's 72." The information didn't seem to warm Hanare up any. She just looked at him, the covers pulled up to her nose so only her eyes were showing.

Kakashi sighed. He walked over to his dresser and opened a drawer, cursing silently in his head the fact he didn't keep spare blankets around. Why would he? Konoha was in a temperate region. He paid the utilities on time. The apartment was always comfortable. It was always 72.

He pulled out one of his extra standard-issue Konoha turtlenecks. "Here," he said, holding it out to Hanare from a safe distance. Her gaze dropped as she eyed the navy blue shirt.

"It's too big but it'll help," Kakashi said, wishing he wasn't filling the air with inane comments. He waited for her to take the shirt.

"Can you help me?" Hanare said. Her face was pink above the edge of the comforter. "I'm so dizzy. I'm sorry, I know it's-"

"Yeah," Kakashi said, interrupting her before he had too much time to think. He moved closer to the bed and sat down, all business. He unfolded the shirt and opened up the bottom, holding it open with one hand. Taking a breath and averting his eyes, he leaned over and put an arm behind Hanare, lifting her forward like he was going to embrace her. Instead he shoved the turtleneck over her head.

"Thank you!" Hanare's muffled voice came from the inside of the shirt. He continued to hold her up while he guided one of her arms into a sleeve, and then the other. Her wrists were cute. He could smell pear and white ginger at close range. _Now my entire bed is going to-_

"Ah!" Hanare gasped from inside the turtleneck. Kakashi froze. He'd thought he was home free, but if he wasn't mistaken, the knuckles of his right hand had just brushed against… a nipple.

"Sorry." Kakashi withdrew his hands at lightning speed and unceremoniously yanked the turtleneck the rest of the way over Hanare's head and down her torso until everything was obscured. Then he bunched the covers up around her to cover the bottom part, too.

He made the mistake of looking at her. Her face was red and she was looking back at him. Her hair, still trapped under the turtleneck, was plastered down over the sides of her head. The shirt hung loosely on her smaller frame and the sleeves flopped around her hands. All in all, it gave her a look that Kakashi might describe as _sour-apple lollipop alien bed snatcher…_ if he were a writer.

"You look…" he started, but lost his train of thought. Hanare lay carefully back down. She reached up and expertly freed her hair from the shirt's collar, flipping the green mane out from under her before rolling onto her side with a groan.

Kakashi's right eye widened. "Don't-"

"Vomit on your bed. I know, I know!" Hanare closed her eyes. "I just need the room to stop tilting." She snuggled down into the covers, and Kakashi pulled them up even higher - until the Uzumaki shoulder patch on the turtleneck wasn't visible. He looked at her a moment, then remembered _her own blankets_ that were in the storage room. _How silly of me_ … he thought as he got up to get them.

When he returned with the bright turquoise comforter and Fullmetal Alchemist throw, Hanare seemed to be asleep. Kakashi spread both over her, which made his bed look like a steampunk ocean with a little lump of an island in the middle.

 _That should solve the cold problem, at least._ Kakashi stretched, then turned and walked into the living room. He yawned and glanced at the clock. It was only a little late, but he felt like it was past his bedtime already.

He shivered. _What, now I'm cold…?_ Right, he'd left the window open to air out the kitchen disaster. He crossed the shadows of the room and closed the window, drawing the curtains most of the way shut but leaving a bit of space where he could see the distant mountains and the stars.

Kakashi went to his desk and turned on the lamp. A soft warm glow filled that side of the room. Then he walked over to the end table and turned on Hanare's reading lamp. It brightened the entryway… and he was kind of used to it.

 _Well, now what_? Kakashi reached back and scratched his head. He was tired but not really sleepy, after all that… and he still had nowhere to lay down even if he wanted to. Just then his stomach growled. _Oh, right. Dinner…_ Kakashi thought about going to the corner market. They had decent bentos in the deli case. Or, there was the izakaya the block over. Oysters and ika skewers sounded pretty good. _Should I leave Hanare, though?_

In the end he ordered a pizza. _I can fit in a quick shower before it gets here_. The day's sweat was now fully dried on him and he felt disgusting. Kakashi made sure the apartment door was locked (more to stave off one of Guy's impromptu visits than anything else) and grabbed a towel from the linen cabinet. He glanced into the bedroom on his way past to make sure Hanare was still sleeping, and then hurried into the bathroom.

He turned the water on super hot and peeled off his shirt. Glancing in the mirror, he fingered the light scar across his ribs. That one was from Zabuza, wasn't it?… Was it getting bigger? He turned to the side and raised his arm, scrutinizing. _I must be imagining things._ He unzipped his pants and pulled down his briefs, stepping out of both. He put all the clothes in the laundry and sat on the edge of the tub to undo his leg wraps. When he was done he tossed them in the hamper, too. Lastly, he undid his mask and set it carefully on the edge of the sink.

The water was perfectly near-scalding when he stepped into the shower and pulled the dark, leaf-patterned shower curtain shut. He braced his hands against the wall and just stood there for a minute, letting the water soak his hair and run down the back of his neck and his shoulders.

He reached down and checked the scars on his thighs, tracing the thin raised lines inward. He couldn't remember when he'd gotten those, or from who.

Kakashi slid his hand upward out of habit, as if to check that all his parts were still there. Running his fingers over the wet skin of his flaccid cock he suddenly wondered if that little piece of red lace between his roommate's legs covered some hair, or just skin - was Hanare the type to shave everything off, or just some of it? If he really thought back, it had looked pretty bare…

The feeling of his dick perking up brought Kakashi back to reality. He dropped that line of inquiry and reached down to change the water temperature to much, much cooler.

 _Oh yeah, gotta finish before the pizza gets here…_ He picked up the shampoo and got to work on his hair. He rinsed off the lather and picked up the bar of soap, then remembered he'd forgotten to grab a washcloth. Luckily they kept spares under the sink and his reach was long enough that he could get one without leaving the shower. He pushed the shower curtain aside.

"EEK!" Hanare squealed.

"Wha-!" Kakashi's eyes widened in horror at the sight of his half-naked roommate sitting on the toilet. He instinctively brought up his hand to cover his face, dropping the bar of soap. Then he grabbed the shower curtain to pull it closed, stepping back as he did…

Right on top of the soap. Kakashi of the Sharingan, famed Copy Ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village, crashed down on his ass in the middle of the shower.

"...Ouch," he said tonelessly from the bottom of the tub. The water sprinkled down on his face and got in his eyes.

"Kakashi! Are you alright? I'm so sorry!" Hanare's worried words were just insult on top of injury.

"I'm fine," he sighed, raising his free hand and waving it in greeting to assure her. He kept his other hand clamped over the lower half of his face, in case she got any ideas…

"I… I didn't mean to startle you. I really had to, um, _pee_ all of a sudden…"

Kakashi could _hear_ her blushing. He smiled to himself behind his hand.

"And I didn't think you could hear me in here, so I tried to make it on my own. I thought I'd be in and out before you finished with your shower…"

Kakashi stayed lying in the tub and closed his eyes. He heard the toilet flush. He waited for Hanare to get up and leave, listening carefully for the sound of the door.

"Kakashi?" Hanare said softly.

"Yo," he said.

"Could you help me back to the… I think I'm going to - URK!"

Kakashi sighed inaudibly as he listened to Hanare puke on the bathroom floor.

"I'm so sorry," Hanare gasped. Kakashi heard a sniffle.

He raised himself up on one elbow and peeked out of the shower over the edge of the tub. "Hana. Could you look away for a second?" His words were slightly muffled by his hand. She nodded, already not looking at him, face red and tears running down her cheeks. "I just need my mask." he said. She nodded again and averted her face.

Kakashi cautiously pushed himself into a crouching position. The now tepid shower water rained down on him. He reached out and retrieved his mask from the sink. Once it was safely back in place, he turned off the shower and grabbed his towel, wrapping it hastily around himself because Hanare was still crying, stuck on the toilet surrounded by a lake of vomit.

"You can look now," he said, moving carefully toward her.

She looked up in alarm. "Don't step in the-"

"I've got it, okay?" He squatted beside her, making sure to keep his toes outside the puke's perimeter. Hanare had her own feet tucked up close to to toilet pedestal to avoid the mess. Kakashi smiled to himself.

"Can you walk?" he asked Hanare, though he figured he already knew the answer. Her lips didn't have any color and she was shivering, hunched down in his shirt.

"I could try," she said weakly.

"Better not," Kakashi said. The red lace panties (if you could call them panties) were around her knees. _Awkward_ , he thought. Hanare saw where he was looking and bit her lip in embarrassment.

"Do you feel like you need to go to the hospital?" Kakashi asked calmly. After all, he didn't know what kind of drinker she was, if this was normal, or if she had any experience with it, or if it might suddenly turn into an emergency…

"No. I'm alright. It's mostly my head, now. I just need… _a lot_ of water," Hanare laughed, and Kakashi was relieved to hear that her voice had returned to its more relaxed low tones. "It's not my first time," she added quietly, looking down at her hands.

"Mine either," Kakashi admitted. "It's ok."

He stood up and leaned over her. Hanare looked up apprehensively. "I'm going to pick you up," he said. "Don't do anything crazy or we might end up in _that_." He tilted his head at the mess on the floor. Hanare blushed hard and nodded contritely. Kakashi slid one arm behind her and one arm under her knees, hefting her weight easily.

"Ooooh," Hanare groaned, pressing her forehead against his bare chest and squeezing her eyes shut. She put a hand on her stomach.

"It'll be over in a sec," Kakashi reassured her, stepping over the vomit and walking quickly into the bedroom.

"It was really stupid of me to lose track of how much we were drinking," Hanare moaned pitifully.

"Extremely stupid. Don't do it again," Kakashi admonished, trying not to think about the red lace trapped under his hand that held Hanare's legs, or the fact that her bare ass was hanging in the air a few inches from his crotch.

"I promise," Hanare whispered. Kakashi leaned over and gently lay her back down in his bed. She immediately reached down and yanked the scrap of red lace back up to its proper position. Kakashi looked away before he saw anything and concentrated on re-covering her with the blankets. Hanare was staring up at him.

"It's not like those underwear do much anyway, you know," he couldn't help saying. Hanare's expression changed to a glare, and then to a laugh.

"I know! It's true, isn't it. You should see the back, they're so ridicu-"

The doorbell rang.

Hanare startled. "Oh, the pizza…" Kakashi said. "Hungry?" he asked the green-haired kunoichi.

"Ugh, no. I mean yes, but food sounds awful right now. I just need to rest," Hanare nodded at him. "You go eat. You haven't had any dinner, right?"

 _How did she know that?_ Kakashi wondered. He nodded. "I'll check on you," he said. Hanare smiled and closed her eyes. The doorbell rang again.

Kakashi hurried out, grabbing his wallet from his desk as he passed.

He opened the apartment door. "Sorry to keep you waiting," Kakashi said apologetically as he handed over $20 to the delivery kid, who was staring at Kakashi's naked torso. "Just keep the change." The kid bowed gratefully, blushing furiously, and headed back down the stairs. It wasn't until Kakashi was closing the door that he realized he could've carried Hanare to her own room and put her on the couch. _I walked right past it…_

It wasn't until the door clicked shut that he realized his was still wearing only a bath towel. Kakashi flushed a little retroactively, then shrugged. The pizza smelled great. Kakashi carried it into the kitchen. Realizing he was really thirsty, he took out a glass. _I forgot to get Hana some water_ he remembered. He took out a second glass and filled it. Leaving his stuff in the kitchen, he walked back to the bedroom.

"Hana?" he said quietly as he poked his head around the door. She blinked sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"You said you needed water."

"Oh, yeah."

Kakashi went to the bed and proffered the glass. Hanare pushed herself up slowly, and Kakashi sat down and put a hand behind her back to help her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, sipping the water. Her eyes were not on his face. Kakashi self-consciously crossed his arm over his chest and scratched his Anbu tattoo. Hanare was staring at his body, drinking the water reluctantly.

"You should drink it all," Kakashi prodded. She frowned down at the glass and pouted.

"Then I'll have to… pee… again," Hanare complained.

"And we'll take care of that when the time comes," Kakashi said. _Damn, I forgot the bathroom. Gotta clean up the bathroom…_

He waited until Hanare had obediently finished the water and laid back down.

"Sure you don't want any pizza?" Kakashi asked.

"What kind is it?" Hanare asked.

"Five Meat," Kakashi said.

Hanare blushed for some reason. "Um, no thanks. Maybe later." She rolled over and curled up in the blankets again, reminding Kakashi of a cat.

He shrugged. "More for me I suppose," he said. He walked over to the dresser and took out some pants and his old anbu shirt. He glanced at Hanare but she had her eyes closed. He noticed that his whole room smelled lightly of pear and green apple and ginger flower. Kakashi tapped the Sylveon night light on the head as he passed the bookshelf, just so it wasn't so dark in the room. Then he headed to the bathroom to deal with the lagoon of puke.

Twenty minutes later he was finally back in the kitchen. The pizza wasn't hot anymore but he was too hungry to care, and the bathroom was clean. He'd put on his pants and tank top, and eagerly yanked open the pizza box. Reaching in, he grabbed four slices and stacked them on his plate. He carried his plate and glass of water into the living room. At long last, he sat down on his sofa and put his feet up. He pulled his mask down around his neck and ran his hands over his face. _What a strange night._

Kakashi ate in silence. He didn't have a mission tomorrow, so there was nothing to think about. He was all caught up on the _Icha Icha_ series and was actually going through Violence for the third time, so there really wasn't anything he needed to read, either. He was apprehensive of letting his mind wander freely, so he picked up the remote control and turned his tiny TV on at a really low volume.

The best thing he could find was a game show where civilians tried to complete a ninja training course. Most of the time it was just people falling over into the water obstacle or mud pit and got pretty boring fast, but today there was footage of a streaker who'd crashed the course and was doing pretty well. Kakashi stuffed pizza in his mouth and chuckled as he watched the security guards trying to chase the naked participant up the rock wall. The streaker looked on course to post a pretty good time, if he could make it the whole way…

Kakashi startled. The tv was on, but he had no idea what he was watching. A dog show? He blinked, glancing around in confusion. He felt the cool night air from the slightly open window on the lower part of his face, and panicked. He reached up and jerked his mask back. _I'm lying on the sofa._ Glancing down, he saw the plate and a couple pizza crusts on the floor. The remote was still in his other hand. His feet were asleep, propped up on the arm of the sofa. _Must've fallen asleep…_

He sat up stiffly and picked up the stuff from the floor. A movement to his left caught his eye and his head snapped around.

"Hanare?" he said. The door to the bedroom opened a little more and a shadow moved behind it.

"I just wanted to brush my teeth," she said, edging into the hall, still clutching the door. Kakashi's gaze fell to her legs, exposed beneath the hem of his turtleneck that stopped at her hips.

"Don't rush - I can help you," he said, standing quickly. She held up a hand.

"Oh, don't trouble yourself… I can make it. Just tired. I think I slept off most of the sake," she laughed lightly. "And, I've been such a burden to you tonight already," she added softly. Kakashi hesitated. Hanare stepped carefully down the hall, the water glass in one hand. He started to follow her, then stopped. He retreated and sat back down on the couch.

 _I should brush my teeth too._ He glanced up at the clock. _1 a.m?!_ He hadn't realized he'd dozed off for so long. He turned off the TV and picked up his dishes, carrying them into the kitchen. He got the broom and dustpan and went back to the living room to sweep up pizza crumbs. He could hear the water turn on and off in the bathroom, and imagined Hanare brushing her teeth.

When the floor was clean Kakashi tidied the kitchen a bit, waiting for Hanare to come out of the bathroom. She finally did, and disappeared back into his bedroom without looking up. Kakashi finished drying the gyoza pan, turned the light off, and headed to the bathroom himself.

 _Wonder where I should sleep_ he mused as he got out the toothpaste. Asking Hanare to move to her couch seemed selfish and pointless since it was so late already. He'd just make do elsewhere.

Kakashi made sure the door was locked before he slid his mask down to brush. The buzz of his electric toothbrush filled the room. The sound always made him think of Shino's bugs. Kakashi took his time brushing, since he still had to figure out sleeping arrangements. _If I curl up I can fit on the living room sofa. Or maybe take the pillows off and make a bed on the floor…_

He spat into the sink and dried his face. He was going to need to steal some blankets off Hanare in either case, since she currently had every single one in the house on top of her. Kakashi put his toothbrush in the holder. _Hopefully she's back to sleep and I won't disturb her._

Kakashi opened the door and flicked off the light. He padded through the storage area and crossed to his bedroom door. He eased it open, noticing she'd turned off the night light. The navy blue curtains only let in a sliver of streetlight from where the edges didn't quite meet. The scar of brightness fell across Hanare's hair and part of her face. It looked like she was sleeping soundly.

Kakashi crept toward the bed, feeling like an intruder in his own room. He paused when he got near Hanare. She was breathing evenly, the water glass was half empty. _Good, she's staying hydrated_ he thought. Kakashi considered the night's events. He was exhausted, but he really hadn't minded taking care of another person. He thought back to his days as a kid living alone after his father's death… cooking for one, cleaning even though no one was coming over, always being alone in a neverending silence. Then Rin and Obito had come into his life and kept him company awhile… until they, too, passed.

It was much nicer to have someone there, even if you weren't talking. Like someone to read with. Then it wasn't a stifling silence, but more like a peaceful quiet. Like if you had a funny or a troubling thought, there was another person right there who would listen and want to hear about it, and then you didn't have to hold burdens inside yourself. You didn't have to face all your thoughts on your own. And maybe you'd make the other person laugh, sharing a funny thing, and you could feel good because you lightened their burdens, or wiped up their puke, and made them feel safe… The niceness of looking after someone and having the company of a kind person bloomed in his mind… and Kakashi realized the very small changes since Hanare had moved in were precious to him.

As if she knew he was thinking of her, the green-haired girl lying in his bed opened her eyes. She smiled. "You came to steal my blankets, didn't you?" she accused softly.

"How did you know?" Kakashi admitted, stuffing his hands in his pockets and side-eyeing her.

"Because you obviously wouldn't be here to do the honorable thing." Hanare wiggled up onto her elbows. A lock of emerald hair fell over her eye - the one with the beauty mark underneath.

"What's the honorable thing?" Kakashi asked lazily, even though he felt his heart thumping in his chest.

"I'm still cold," Hanare sulked dramatically. "You _should_ get in bed with me."

Kakashi felt an Uchiha fireball forming in his gut, but his expression stayed nonplussed.

"Are you sure," he sighed.

"Yes," Hanare said, holding his reluctant gaze in her own that was predatory liquid steel. Kakashi felt the fireball turn to tendrils of lava that were eager to push down into lower regions of his body.

"Take off your mask," Hanare whispered.

"Take off your panties," Kakashi returned.

It was dark but Kakashi could still tell that she was blushing. He smirked under his mask. She glared up at him defiantly, which was really cute.

"Fine. But you first," she said.

"No way," Kakashi laughed. "You first."

"Forget it!" Hanare flopped back down and rolled onto her side. "Keep it on then. You won't warm me up any better with it off, anyway."

Kakashi lowered his chin, leaning forward a bit, and gave her a look. "I wouldn't bet on that, if I were you."

"Hmph," Hanare said, turning bright red and looking away.

Kakashi stared at the space next to her in the bed. The empty space. Behind her. His space. In _his_ bed. It was his nature to analyze everything until it was dogeared and dessicated, but something told him that was the wrong move here. _What're you waiting for? A gold-foiled invitation stamped with the Tsuchikage's ass print?_ For some reason it was Pakkun's voice berating him. Kakashi chuckled to himself and walked around to the other side of the bed.

"What's so funny?" Hanare hissed quietly from her side.

"Oh, nothing." Kakashi slid off his pants.

"What?" Hanare demanded. Kakashi debated whether or not to keep his shirt on. He took it off, throwing the tank top in the pile with his pants.

Down to just his mask and briefs, he pulled back the covers on his side of the bed. "Well you know, those panties looked pretty flimsy. I'm pretty sure I can just make them disappear whenever I want, whether or not I give in to your demands about my mask," he said, putting a knee up on the bed.

Still facing away from him, Hanare snorted. "Hngh, pretty cocky aren't you, McKreepy?"

"You'll have to be the judge of that," Kakashi said, sliding into the bed.

Hanare groaned. "That was terrible!" she giggled.

Kakashi shrugged. _They can't all be winners._ It felt so good to be in his own bed that smelled completely different than it had yesterday morning. The sheets were soft. Hanare's hair looked silky, splashed across his pillows. The outline of her body beckoned him. He inched toward the center of the mattress.

Kakashi reached out a hand beneath the covers and found Hanare's hip. He latched on and pulled himself to her, closing the distance between them. Sliding his left arm under her neck, he moved his right hand across her stomach and dragged her backwards the rest of the way to him, until the back of her was pressed firmly against the front of him from shoulders to thighs and they made two perfect crescents.

A little gasp escaped her and Kakashi smiled into her hair, breathing in her perfume and nuzzling the nape of her neck with his mask.

"Kakashi," Hanare said breathlessly. She was still wearing his turtleneck. It was so big on her that it was easy to slide his hand underneath and find the lace of her bra. As his fingers explored the bottom curve of her breast, he decided he liked the idea of Hanare in his clothes.

Another gasp was his reward when he traced his fingers upward and found a nipple to tease. He touched the right, gently at first, in little circles until it started to harden and then he pinched it between his thumb and forefinger. Hanare arched her back at that, which pushed her backside into a certain area of his. Kakashi groaned. Everything about Hanare seemed the perfect softness, and she responded so intently. He moved his fingers to her left nipple, which seemed even more sensitive than the right…

"Oh, Kakashi," Hanare breathed into the dark. He twisted his fingers, stretching her nipple roughly, and she squealed and reached back to run her fingers through his hair. He massaged her breasts for a few more minutes, lightly sucking on Hanare's neck and enjoying getting to know her sounds and rhythms.

He decided he'd leave the bra on for now. The lace was kind of fun and Hanare seemed to like it when he touched her through it. Now that her nipples were nice and aroused he could move onward, and downward…

Kakashi slid his hand back down Hanare's stomach and traced in and around her navel, running the tips of his fingers across her lower abdomen. He lingered near the absurdly small and fragile panties.

Moving his face close to her ear, he whispered, "Is this too fast, Hana?" To his relief she shook her head, because he was alreading aching with desire.

"Don't stop," Hanare said, her hands still twisted in his hair, pulling him as close as she could. Kakashi nodded and reached down, slipping his hand between her legs. There was a tiny _mewl_ from Hanare. Kakashi smiled under his mask, reaching deep between her thighs and then dragging his middle finger forward all the way to her apex, stroking back and forth across the lace in long arcs until he felt the first bit of moisture on his fingertip.

"Kakashi," Hanare said again, and her voice was more plaintive. He ignored her, and continued to caress her entrance with his finger, tracing the curves and folds through the panties. They were so small they didn't even seem to cover all of her sex. His finger slid on moistened skin.

" _Kakashi_ ," Hanare breathed, and now that she'd asked again and he could feel more wetness leaking through the lace, Kakashi figured it was a good time.

"Take off my mask," he ordered. Hanare paused in surprise a moment, then her fingers tangled in the fabric of the mask and she ripped it loose. She flung it across the room, and Kakashi watched with raised eyebrow as it sailed through the air all the way out into the hall where it plopped to rest on the floor.

He chuckled and nuzzled his nose into her ear. "I didn't know you were so feisty, Hana," he said. In response, Hanare growled and ground her ass onto his dick. He was already aroused and he hissed through his teeth. "Okay, okay, I get it! You gotta let me have some fun first, though… "

Kakashi's fingers pressed into Hanare's hip, found the side strings of the panties and coiled around them. With a jerk, he tore them clean from between her legs.

"Oh!" Hanare exclaimed. Kakashi flicked the scrap of lace off the edge of the bed. Then he kissed Hanare's cheek. Then temple. He hesitated. He was going to have to flip her over to do what he wanted to do and that meant she would see his face. He sighed.

"Kakashi," Hanare said gently. She reached back and touched his bare cheek, his jaw, his lips. He nibbled her fingers, stalling, and she tapped him on the nose in rebuke.

"It's not polite to keep a lady waiting," she whispered, and turned onto her back, looking up at him. He leaned over her, keeping his eyes on her collarbone. He blushed furiously and she giggled. Then she reached up and gently put her hands in his hair on either side of his head, drawing him down to her until their lips touched. Then she kissed him. She didn't say anything. Just kissed him. And she was a good kisser. Kakashi forgot about his mask after a few seconds of Hanare nibbling his lips and ear and kissing him deeply. He broke away and started kissing his way down her body.

To his surprise Hanare tensed up, and he paused. He glanced up at her, hovering over her belly.

"I… I just, um, I get self-conscious…" Hanare said weakly, a worried line between her brows.

"Don't be," Kakashi smiled. "Just indulge me for a minute. I'll make it worth your while."

"Oh… ok then," Hanare said amenably, still a bit fretful.

Hanare lay her head back and Kakashi kissed her belly button. He heard her gasp a little but she was still tense. He kissed just below her belly button. She squirmed. He kissed just above the top of her mound. She _mmmphd_ and wriggled.

Kakashi sighed and clamped a palm down on each of her thighs. He pushed her legs apart forcefully and stared at her.

"Oh-" Hanare tried to close her legs but Kakashi held her there.

"You're beautiful," he said. He looked up and was rewarded by the sight of her turning as deeply salmon pink as the cover of _Icha Icha Violence._ "So you're the type who shaves it all off, huh?"

"KAKASHI-" Hanare exploded, but she didn't have the chance to finish because at that moment he leaned down and ran his tongue over her pussy. Hanare gasped as he licked and kissed her there. He ran his tongue up and down her, then circled. When he'd finished with the outside, Kakashi dipped his tongue slowly inside of her, and Hanare's gasps turned to moans.

Reaching down, Kakashi took himself in his hand. He was already hard, and he was burning to be inside Hanare - but she was delicious and the copy ninja was not quite ready to give up his current preoccupation. He stroked his cock a couple times then returned the hand to his roommate, sliding one finger between the folds of her pussy while he changed his licking motion on her most sensitive spot to a sucking one.

"Ka… Kakashi!" Hanare begged as he slowly pushed his finger all the way inside of her. She was so wet. He withdrew and added a second finger, and Hanare groaned as he saw how deep they could go. Kakashi sucked on her more forcefully as he plunged his fingers in and out, in, and out, and in, and down…

Hanare arched her back and wailed. _Well, that might've disturbed the neighbors, and we're not even done yet_ Kakashi thought as he struggled to maintain contact with Hanare as she writhed around. Her fingers were twisted in the sheet, and she trembled as Kakashi gently kissed her down there, again and again.

"Y… you, can… can… s… stop, now," Hanare looked at him with pleading eyes.

Kakashi withdrew his fingers and put them in his mouth. He held himself in his free hand and scooted forward on his knees until he was in the right place between Hanare's legs. Her gaze dropped down to his cock. Her eyebrows lifted. Kakashi looked at her lazily, stroking himself.

She really was beautiful. The bluish night colors in the room suited her and her strangely colored hair. The shadows fell in all the right places and he couldn't remember the last time sex had felt this satisfying. When Hanare saw him just looking at her, she smiled. That was probably the most important thing. She gave a little nod, as if to reassure him it was okay.

Kakashi leaned forward and braced himself above her, positioning himself at her slickened entrance. He nudged against her pussy with the head of his cock. Then slowly, he pushed inside. Hanare's eyes widened and she reached up and grabbed his arms. As he slid in deeper a little whine escaped Hanare's lips, and then a moan. When he finally sheathed himself inside of her and their bodies were nearly flush, she exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

Kakashi leaned down and kissed her forehead, her nose, her mouth. He gently rocked back and forth until he felt her hips relax and she could accommodate him even a bit more. Hanare groaned into his mouth, her fingers digging into his biceps. Kakashi pulled back, then delivered his first full thrust into her. Hanare cried out. He felt a drop of sweat run down behind his ear. Hanare was so warm. She was tight. And wet.

Kakashi began to thrust steadily, just a little harder each time, grinding himself against Hanare every time their bodies came in contact. Kakashi had lost all notion of time. Their breath mixed in the night air. The room seemed too warm. Kakashi lost himself in the incredible feeling of Hanare holding onto him and receiving him at the same time… wanting him, needing him. Suddenly Hanare curled toward his chest, still clutching his arms, panting.

"Kakashi… I think I'm going to come again!" she gasped. Kakashi pulled his right arm free from Hanare's hand and grabbed her left leg, pushing it back and spreading her wider as he thrust harder.

"KAKASHI," Hanare cried as she climaxed, throwing her head back and burying her face in one of the pillows to muffle her scream. Her pussy tightened around Kakashi's cock as she came, wetness spilling out as he thrust harder, tilting her up to meet him as he pushed every inch of himself as deep as he could go.

"Damn… it… Hanare!" Kakashi thrust into her several times in rapid succession, so hard that he was afraid he might hurt her - yet he couldn't stop. Suddenly he reached his release. It was an explosion of stars. A connection of fire from his body to hers. A searing lightning. He heard Hanare cry out from far away at the same time he heard himself growl an animalistic cry of relief. He poured himself into her, still moving, but slower and slower and with decreasing power as he waded through the aftershocks of his orgasm.

"Oh," Kakashi groaned, his head drooping.

"Wow," Hanare whispered. They were both out of breath and sweaty.

"Hana," Kakashi said. He started to lower himself to the bed, trying to avoid smushing her.

"Kashi?" she touched his face. Kakashi struggled to think. He felt so tired. So good.

He managed to form some words. "I might… fall…"

The last thing Kakashi heard was his Hana's voice, and it was like falling asleep on clouds. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll catch you."

… … ...

"Kakashi?"

"Hm?"

"Are you awake?"

"No. I must be dreaming."

"Are you dreaming about grabbing my ass?"

"Yeah."

"We must be in the same dream then," Hanare giggled. "Someone is grabbing my ass."

"Not me," Kakashi mumbled. He squeezed his hand around what he knew to be a sizable portion of Hanare's butt. He caressed her backside and ran his hand down her leg, and up and over her hip, coming back to rest on her derriere.

"Mama! Daddy!" The door burst open and raucous laughter filled the air as two young boys leaped onto the bed, crushing their unfortunate parents in a single attack.

"Ow," Kakashi grunted from underneath the kid-pile. He managed to retract his hand from Hana's butt so their older son, seven-year-old Okami, wouldn't notice. Hato, who was only four, was too young to give such things much thought but was old enough to know that sitting on his father's head gave him the superior battle position.

Hanare, who had been spared the brunt of the attack, sat up in the bed and pushed her hair out of her face. "Hato! Get down from there!" she scolded when she saw Kakashi's head being used as a stool.

She pulled the giggling child off her silver-haired husband's head and deposited him unceremoniously in the pile of bedcovers. _Oh good. I can breathe again_ Kakashi thought lazily. He heard Hanare gasp. "Okami! Stop that this instant. Those aren't toys!"

Kakashi opened one eye and saw Okami menacing him from above with a real kunai. The copy ninja raised an eyebrow. Hanare reached over and plucked the knife from the boy's hand.

"A ninja must see through deception!" Okami crowed triumphantly, making a quick hand sign that looked like - no! - Kakashi's eye widened in alarm, but it was too late…

At breakfast Hanare was still scolding Okami. He and Hato sat sullenly while Kakashi gave them a look that said _Please, just be quiet, for your own good - believe me, I know._

"It's not respectful to poke your father in the butt!" she said as she flung bean cakes at them like shuriken - which they all caught - and slapped pieces of fish down on top of their rice bowls, wielding her cooking chopsticks with sizzling precision.

Hato laughed because she'd said "butt." And then Okami started laughing. "But you did, Mom! When he wasn't folding the laundry fast enough."

Hanare blushed. "I did no such thing," she said evenly, setting her mouth in a firm line. Kakashi started laughing too.

After breakfast Okami wanted to go outside.

"Put on a jacket," Hanare admonished.

Okami rolled his eyes. "But ma-"

"Listen to your mother," Kakashi said mildly. Okami pouted but went to comply.

"My jacket isn't here," he stated.

"Oh that's right!" Hanare sighed in exasperation. "It's in the wash. You can wear my old vest, Okami-kun. How's that."

"Great!" Okami exclaimed. His parents' jonin stuff was much cooler than his dumb school clothes.

"I'll help you," Kakashi said, getting up from the table. He walked over to the coat pegs and took down Hanare's old flak. He checked scroll compartments, then the pockets. _Can't be too careful with these kids…_ he thought tiredly.

Hato was helping his mother with the dishes. Kakashi looked fondly at his kids' hair: Hato's sage-green tufts, and Okami's dark grey spikes. Hanare had cut her own hair much shorter years ago - to about shoulder length. Kakashi missed the wild mane of green sometimes, but Hana was just as beautiful as ever. His own hair had stayed exactly the same, except perhaps to get a bit droopier.

Kakashi's hand closed around something in the last pocket. A piece of paper of some sort. He removed it discretely and handed the vest to Okami, who shrugged it on and ran outside with a whoop. Only when the sliding door closed did Kakashi realize his thigh holster was missing.

Sighing, Kakashi sat back down at the table. He took out the paper and halfheartedly unfolded it. Hato was bored of washing dishes and was following his brother outside, wielding one of Hanare's dishrags like a bolas. Hanare had her hand on her head, and the other under her belly.

"Come sit down," Kakashi said, patting the chair next to him. His eyes dropped idly to the paper in his hand.

"After I make more tea. I need a drink," Hanare said.

"I can do it," Kakashi offered distractedly. The paper was a receipt.

"You're too slow," Hana chuckled. "I'd be having this baby before you brought me a cup!"

Kakashi was intrigued. The receipt was from Motoko's - the lingerie store. But it was dated from eight years ago. He flipped it over. On the back, in tiny, precise writing, were notes - mission notes. He brought the receipt closer to his face and as he read, his eyes popped open.

"What's that, old man?" Hanare asked, eyeing him suspiciously while she mixed her macha.

Kakashi brought the paper down from his face, which was now set in very serious lines.

"Our first night together," he said, and Hanare stopped mid-stir, eyes wide. "You told me that business was all a dare from Anko."

Kakashi's voice was low and calm, but his eyes glinted dangerously. Hanare swallowed.

"Where did you get that?!" she squeaked.

"As if that mattered," Kakashi growled, standing up from the table and edging around it toward her.

Hanare took a couple steps back into the kitchen, opening the oven door to put an obstacle between them. She turned and opened the fridge, pulling out a humongous turkey.

"Hana," Kakashi said warningly. Hanare didn't look at him. She put the turkey on the counter and started preparing it for roasting.

Kakashi stopped at the edge of the counter as Hanare finally turned and met his gaze. She held a meat thermometer in her right hand like a senbon needle.

"This is a _mission plan_ …" Kakashi held up the damning evidence and dangled it in the air in front of her. "To seduce _me_ , Kakashi Hatake, in - and I quote - ' _11 Easy Steps'..._ "

Hanare's face turned cherry-red but she just stared unreadably at him, armed with the meat thermometer.

"It's written on a receipt from the lingerie store, for an item-" he flipped it over. "An item listed as 'Naughty Honeymoon, Lace, in Scarlet-"

He squinted at the fine print. "Does that say _crotchless_? What the… oh, was that why I could feel your p-"

Hanare's hand snaked out and before Kakashi could react, the green-haired kunoichi had snatched the paper, crushed it in her fist, and stuck in the orifice of the turkey, out of his reach.

"Hey!" Kakashi yelled. He glared at Hanare, who was calmly salting the turkey's butt.

"Well, no matter," Kakashi crossed his arms and menaced Hanare from his side of the oven. "I read the date already. That receipt was from _three weeks_ before that night, Hana-"

"I got it on sale," Hanare said too calmly. "To be prepared."

"You mean _to prepare_ for a certain _premeditated mission_ , don't you?" Kakashi dropped each word like a paper bomb.

"Semantics," said his wife.

"Were you even drunk that night?"

"Pfff. Like I can vomit on cue," Hanare said, running a basting brush all over the turkey breasts. Kakashi blinked. He wasn't at all certain she _couldn't_ vomit on cue, in fact…

"Were you even out with Anko and Kurenai?"

Hanare reached for the pepper shaker but Kakashi saw her slight hesitation. He growled, and with one fluid motion he turned, kicked the oven door shut with his heel, took a step, twisted, moved in close and wrapped his around Hanare, disarming her of the pepper mill (which would be deadly in her hands as a bludgeon) using a wrist lock and turned her to face him, trapping her against the counter. He pressed himself gently against her burgeoning belly.

"Kakashi! I have raw turkey on my hands!" Hanare screeched angrily, struggling against the bars of her prison that were Kakashi's strong arms braced on the counter.

"Tell me the truth," he demanded.

"I'll give you salmonella!" Hanare threatened, squirming. Kakashi put his mouth close to her ear.

"Tell. Me. The. Truth," he whispered fiercely. His mouth brushed against her neck, just below her ear. He could feel the rapid, soft flutter of her pulse against his lips. Hanare's head tilted back slightly. She looked up at him with dilated pupils and a flush across her cheeks.

"No, I wasn't out with Anko and Kurenai," she breathed. Kakashi leaned back, eyeing his wife and glowering in righteous triumph.

Hanare met his gaze for a moment but then dropped her eyes. "What?" she sulked.

"And?" Kakashi said.

"And what?" Hanare said with irritation.

"What's the rest of the story?" Kakashi said as he put two fingers under her chin and turned her face back towards his. Hanare didn't resist but wouldn't look at him.

"I planned it," she said finally. Her shoulders drooped a little. Kakashi slipped an arm behind her back and held her up. She looked up at him gratefully.

"It _was_ a mission!" he crowed, mouth twitching.

"Well, how else was I supposed to organize my thoughts on it?!" she snapped.

"Your thoughts on me?"

Hanare sighed a huge sigh of exasperation. "When you see something you want, what do _you_ do, Kakashi?"

The ex-copy ninja was silent a moment. Then he reached back and scratched his head, chuckling a bit. "Probably wait for someone else to plan a mission about it…" he admitted with chagrin.

"Exactly," Hanare said archly. She put her hand on his chest and leaned her head against him. "From before the time I moved in, I knew I wanted you. You, no one else. But how could I tell you? I talked to everyone. No one knew anything useful. And you have this reputation… I had to have a plausible story if it didn't work out," she explained, running her fingers over the seams of his vest.

Kakashi was quiet. "All my memories of that night… you fabricated the entire narrative."

"I'm sorry," Hanare said. "I'm sorry. But I'd do it again."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "I guess… it is flattering. In a way." He thought for a moment. "Wait a second. You _were_ drunk… I mean, acting drunk, I guess… but when I got in the bed, you seemed sober. We didn't do anything earlier… all we did was talk…"

Hanare nodded. She snuggled against him, holding him tight. "After all my grand scheming, you were so uncooperative that I thought it was hopeless."

"So your plan didn't work," Kakashi said smugly.

"I think it did," Hanare whispered, looking up at him. Kakashi leaned down and kissed her.

" _Mom! Dad!_ What is taking you guys so long in there?!" Okami's voice broke through the screen door.

"Yeah!" Hato shouted right after.

"Coming!" Kakashi and Hanare yelled back in unison, his exhausted tone and her vexed one blending in perfect harmony.

Arms draped around one another, they walked outside. Together.


End file.
